Volcano Wisdom

So, I climbed Volcano Pacaya in Guatemala and fell down it. Beast. A few things to note.

1.) I could've/should've died.

2.) Our tour guide was maybe 8 years old and spoke zero English (I was the designated translator???) Yo quiero Taco bell.

3.) Sulfur rock, when it slices into your arm because you slam into it and draws blood, burns like a MUG that is filled with scalding hot coffee and lava.

4.) There is a little something called skiing down a volcano. There is a right way to do it.... and a wrong way. I chose the path less traveled (literally).

5.) Mountain lions exist on Volcano Pacaya. Some people described them as if they looked like Jacob Black and his gang of sharped teeth beasts. I would describe them as mangy dogs that are hot and angry because they live next to lava that continually burns their fur off leaving their bare skin open to the world.

6.) Singing Miley Cyrus' "The Climb" helps you not vomit after climbing 20 miles of ash and rock. But apparently when you change the lyrics you will fall. So, piece of advice... don't change lyrics to Miley Cyrus songs while climbing a volcano.

"There's always gunna be another Pacaya. I am always gonna wanna make it moo...." That's all I got out before introducing my flesh to a few sulfur rocks. Sorry Miles.

7.) If you slam into a wall of sulfur that is the exact same height that you are and it pushes you back off only forcing you to slam into it again, some of your friends may think you are unconcious. Reassure them of your conscious state with a gut wreching, "AGHHHHHH!" followed by your own nervous that you might be dead laughter.

8.) Not having water or any other beverage on a katrillion mile, lava-hot, volcano journey is stupid.

9.) Pacaya apparently has a few open holes that blow out Hell's flames when you least expect it. Don't wear shorts...........

10.) I could've/Should've died.